Lost Lost Me

So, obviously I've been gone a while. But considering a total of one person reads this blog I'm not too concerned at this point.

But I still feel bad.

Anyhoo, the diet and exercise is going alright. The weekend was shocking when a friend came into town bearing alcohol, and then football season returned so the alcohol was quickly in my belly and I wound up feeling like a wounded animal for two days while my body attempted to figure out what to do with all the sugar I fed it for 48 hours straight.

Oops.

I'm struggling to eat three meals a day, which is normal for me, but not good when I'm also doing various work outs 3 or 4 times a day. I still have plenty of energy though, but I struggle to get out of bed every single morning. I'm blaming the food thing, but it's really hard to force myself to accept the food. I'm sure my body will figure itself out though.

We will be making a trip to either Port Augusta or Adelaide late next week as he needs to have surgery on a cist that's made itself comfortable in his wrist. We'd go sooner but OH's father is away until at least Tuesday and we can't leave work until he returns. And he's also paying for the surgery, accommodation, fuel etc for us to go because we are beyond broke.

I'm becoming increasingly more annoyed at how backwards this town is. And how it tries to over compensate for it's shortcomings. And how "clicky" people in this town can be. I've been considering joining a sporting team (we have volleyball, badminton and yoga that I'm aware of at the moment) but I have no girlfriends I can take along with me for moral support, and I feel kind of awkward signing up for these things and being left in a corner on my own. Everyone in this town is part of a little group. There's the young mums. The young drinkers/partyers. The older male drinkers. The older female drinkers. The druggies (there's about three groups of these). The gamers (who are mostly loners, but communicate via games. OH is one of these). The young males who have randomly discovered fitness. The young females who have randomly discovered fitness. The council workers. And the bar staff.

I fit in to NONE of these groups. I don't drink any more, and all socializing is done at the pubs where everyone gets smashed. All the fitness junkies go way out of my league and make you feel like a child when you can't keep up. Now, I don't mind being on my own. I don't HAVE to fit into one of these groups. It just makes it incredibly hard to take part in any of the towns activities, because they are basically just a public way to acknowledge what their little group is doing, and everyone else will be banished. And I'm painfully shy, which doesn't help.

Also, what kind of supermarket doesn't sell zucchini? The two in my town don't stock it as a regular item. I've been able to get it once in the last month and I literally danced in front of the produce shelf (there's only one, with very few items). OH walked away from me and pretended to be interested in some bananas while I went and hugged the manager for finally stocking zucchinis (he's my old boss, so it's not that creepy :P). I almost died of shock when I discovered panko breadcrumbs today. One of the supermarkets have decided that they needed an "asian" shelf, so it's full of products what are labelled in Japanese writing so I don't know what half of them are, but luckily I know what panko is so I yoinked them. They cost me almost $10 for the little bag, but I don't care. I had to have them. Luckily the supermarket is also stocking some asian crackers and chips that are VERY low in sodium and calories, so I've been stocking up on them as healthy snacks (they aren't too bad either!).
So I do my shopping at two supermarkets. Sliced wholemeal and multigrain bread, fresh meat and some vegetables at one, fresh bread rolls, more vegetables and cheeses at another. Dog food at one, cat food at the other. It's tiring, but it needs to be done. I've been waiting for over a month now for one of the supermarkets to stock Laughing Cow cheese, but neither of them have (I've begged and pleaded, it just never appears :( ). So I'll continue to wait for our supermarkets to stock regular foods. There was a week when the town had a milk drought. There's been multiple carrot and tomato droughts.

When you have to rely on ALL foods to be transported from 10 hours away, if something goes wrong with the truck, if the business down there goes on strike, if the highway is closed off (due to accident or weather) then the entire town is cut off from getting any fresh stock and we all live on two minute noodles and tins of tuna.

My favourite sights in the cities are now Woolworthsa and Coles. Supermarkets where they have fresh produce, apples all year round, fresh bananas, fresh bread every day in every variety you can think of. More than three types of shampoo, razor replacements (I can't get mine here, and every time I buy what they do have to make sure I have what they stock, they change it on me again!!!), pet food varieties etc etc etc. I miss the city entirely based on food options. I miss fresh food. All 'fresh' food here is at least three days old before it hits our shelf. So three days after your apples are put on your supermarket shelves, ours are being unloaded off the truck and offered to us. And we pay twice as much for them.

So please, appreciate your supermarkets. And be thankful you don't live in the middle of nowhere, where milk and carrots can become currency if the gods decide to turn our desert into a mammoth mud pit.

Home Sweet Home.

Dust and all.

In training

I have decided to reapply for the Royal Australian Navy. My last attempt was mid-2008 and I failed due to lack of fitness. Basically, I was lazy. I trained lazily, I drank, I smoked. I thought I was taking it seriously, but I can see now that I wasn't.

It's gotten to the point where I need a job desperately (our income is now less than our outgoing living expenses, not including food or fuel) and I want a career. I'm still looking for a job locally for the time being to tide us over, but I figure now that I'm getting fit and healthy anyway, why not go back to my original plan. I believe I am in a better place than I was then.

MR is happy for me to do whatever makes me happy, and I love him even more for supporting me in this. He knows I'll be away a lot, and for the first year I will have limited contact outside training, but he understands that I've wanted this since I was little, and he wants to help me get there. He's even suggested joining himself (he applied a few years ago as well).

So that's the plan. I have a workout routine set up for myself, which I'll tweek and mess with over the next week or so, then I'll add to it as the weeks go on, depending how I handle this week of course. MR, being an ex swimming instructor, is going to help me with my swimming training. I can swim to stay alive, but I'm horrible at technique, so he's agreed to help me with that. He's happy to eat whatever I eat, even though he knows I'll cok him whatever he wants.

I called the recruitment center today and had my application renewed, and was told that I'd get a call from a Recruitment Officer within ten days to get me to the next step. In the mean time I need to push myself harder with my fitness. I've already upped my daily wii fit activities to an hour a day, instead of half an hour, and I've started running in part of my evening walks. As of tomorrow we start the swimming aspect of things. It was supposed to be today but I woke up with a sore throat so we decided to skip it. I also have pushups and situps to do tomorrow, as I need to be able to do them well and consistently to pass the fitness exams.


I'm enjoying having a plan, something to work towards. I know that my fitness was the only thing holding me back last time, so now that I'm getting that sorted out and I love doing it, there is no reason that I can think of why I couldn't get in this time.

So... wish me luck?

Rough Day

Thursdays are always rough. Thursday is pay day and it's the day we pay the bills, realize we can't afford to pay the bills, and have big discussions about what we need to do without for the week. We are running out of things to cut out. This weeks 'cut-out' item to add to the list was food.
We aren't going to starve, we have lots of food. But I love cooking and creating foods and that generally requires ingredients that I don't have. So this week I get to cook with what I have, and that's it. Obviously I bought food for the animals, they are the priority. And I got bread because I don't have the ingredients to make any, and it's cheaper to buy loaves and freeze them at this point. Then I had a nervous break down and drove around town aimlessly looking for Dad. I found him at the laundromat. He asked me what I was up to and I burst into tears. Right there in the laundromat.

Dad's brilliant idea... "how much money do you need?"
My reply... "I need a job, not cash." to which he just nodded. He can't get me a job. There are no jobs to be gotten, he can't make one mysteriously appear, even if he really really wants to. I love my Dad, and I know he only wants to help us out, but I don't want his money. I'd rather starve than take what little money Dad has. He's on a disability pension, his money is all he has, he can't earn more. He has no bills because he spent the last ten years with nothing to pay them off. I'm not taking his money, even when he tries to stuff it in my handbag.

So I straightened myself up and went back to MR's workplace to sort out a budget. A strict budget that we need to stick to at least until the bills are paid off, whether I'm working or not. It leaves us with NO play money, but we just don't earn enough to have play money. Which makes me sad, because I want new Wii and DS games, but power and water are more important. Wii's and Ds's don't run without power. :P

I had my appointment with my counselor today and we've come to the conclusion that my depression is no longer a main concern, but my over emotionalism and letting people walk all over me (not speaking up for myself) are my main issues. So I have to learn to be more assertive now. I even have homework!

Then I went food shopping and got a minimal amount of stuff (and it was still expensive!! But within budget. I hate my small town and it's insane prices!!) and hung around at MR's work for the next few hours because I couldn't be bothered driving home, dealing with gates and mud, just to come back again at 7pm. It turned out MR finished at 6pm anyway so it worked out well. MR's in a shit of a mood and refused to go on our walk today. I did a bunch of Wii exercises but it's just not the same. I love my walks. Tomorrow I am going for a swim, whether he comes with me or not!! I'm not going to stop this because MR would rather sit at home and play video games. I'm really enjoying my exercises, so I'll do it alone if I have to.

Anyhoo, because I was bored, and the animals were making random noises outside, I decided to grab the camera and take photos of random things. Check out my other blogs for more images...

This is the roof of my house. The tin roofing in the center of the image is my patio, my front doors through there. To the left is my car port. I love god-only-knows how many tonnes of rock above me at all times.

Rusty on her bin. Max can't reach her when she's on the bin.

Bins... and a chair. And Rusty.

This is what happens when we leave things out in the rain... they need to be transfered to the nearest dry place to dry out... that happened to be the roof of MR's car (it was originally in the tray, but the rain hits the tray).

Our yard. Yes it's full of junk. Yes, it's a car graveyard at the moment. The Brumpy is MR's, the Civic is MR's but it's going when we sell it, and the Commodore is my sisters, Dad's taking care of that one. We have another dead car at the garage... we are dead car magnets apparently.

That pile of wood is an old wardrobe which I ordered the boys to remove from my wardrobe, release some manly destructiveness and destroy with sledgehammers and axes, then pile up next to the drum for burning. They got two out of three. Now the wood is ending up all over the place because Max is slowly eating it all.

Ok, that's all from me for today. I may have some volunteer work in the works in a few weeks at the drive-in, so that'll be interesting. In a week or so a friend wants me to clean his house (he's a slob, it's going to be a nightmare) and he's willing to pay so that'll be helpful. Maybe I'll be able to get Max a bone. He's missed out on his bones lately. Ah well. Night all!

Gamer Nerd?? That's Me.

Ok, so I am a huge gamer nerd. I don't play World of Warcraft, I don't like war games or racing games, but I have an unnatural obsession with simulation games (like Sim City, Theme Park etc) and Final Fantasy. I could live, eat and breath Final Fantasy if it wouldn't kill me.

We have currently in our house (and are regularly used) Playstations 1, 2 and 3, Nintendo Wii and DS, not to mention our computers. We have countless games for all of these consoles and we spend way too much time playing various games. Both MR and I generally have quite a few games going on at once (I have Theme Park on pause on my DS on the coffee table at the moment actually) but because of money issues we have obviously banned ourselves from buying any more, no matter how much we want them. Because of this I've stopped reading updates, looking at what's new etc, so as not to tease myself.

While registering my Wii Fit and Wii Fit Plus online today (I didn't even know you could do that!!!) I noticed a new game that's out, and I didn't even know it existed, and for me... that's odd. I want it, and I may have to beg, cheat or steal to get my hands on it.

*flails uncontrollably*

I need this game. It's for Nintendo Wii!!! FF on Wii!! I am in shock and in love at the same time.

How cool is that??

Awesomesauce!

Impressive.... yes... I think it is.

Wii!!!

I am so beyond excited for this it's ridiculous. I don't care that I haven't finished my other FF's. I will eventually. This is my new obsession and I won't be happy until I get it.

From Nintendo

FEATURES

• Unique action-based gameplay – with 3D levels, exploration and puzzle solving
• Experience exhilarating real-time battles with intuitive controls
• Gorgeous 3D graphics that push the Wii’s capabilities
• An emotional audio score which creates a beautiful world to explore
• Open world game design
• Fully expressed event scenes with typical FINAL FANTASY elements

© 2009, 2010 SQUARE ENIX CO., LTD. All Rights Reserved. CHARACTER DESIGN: Toshiyuki Itahana

FINAL FANTASY, SQUARE ENIX and the SQUARE ENIX logo are registered trademarks or trademarks of Square Enix Holdings Co., Ltd. CRYSTAL CHRONICLES and THE CRYSTAL BEARERS, and the FINAL FANTASY CRYSTAL CHRONICLES: THE CRYSTAL BEARERS logo are registered trademarks or trademarks of Square Enix Co., Ltd.

Trademarks are property of their respective owners. Wii is a trademark of Nintendo.

*drool*

Getting there...

Almost a week has passed since we started this get fit regime, and so far it's going really well. I had one day where I faltered miserably and ate junk food and lounged around doing nothing, but we've never missed a run or a swim and we are definitely feeling better for it. We are sleeping better, feeling better and are both happier.

MR and Max

This is the end of our trek, our driveway. The entire walk is this dusty rocky ground. Oh, the joys of living in the desert. Yuck.

"SNORE"

Max spends half his time sleeping these days. I think we work him too hard.

We walk 6 days a week (Saturday nights we have off) and we swim three mornings a week and it's wonderful. We are eating real food, not rabbit food, and it's wonderful. I've cut down all our food portions, I'm tracking everything to make sure I don't eat too much and I'm loving every minute of it. I don't miss cigarettes, although I do miss our nightly bourbons. But the funds (and waistlines) just can't handle it any more.

We've had issues with a stray cat recently and it attacked Rusty pretty good the other night. She goes outside, but she's doing bathroom business inside which worries me. We're going to have to start kicking all the animals out at night again which isn't too bad this time of year, but once it cools down we'll have to change tactics. 

We've decided to look into doing small business certificates. I'm finding it incredibly hard to find work with no written evidence of work, and not being able to find any of my referees and it's not fun. I'd love to be able to start my own business, but the business I want can't really be run through a rental property, and I think I need more business management knowledge before I dive in head first. So we'll start there.

Lazy Sundays

Sunday have always been our lazy days, as it's the only day that MR has off. And recently we even get to miss out on phone calls (we ignore them anyway) because we are being avoided like the plague for reasons we don't know at the moment.
Because it's Sunday we decided that we didn't want to get up this morning, so in our house, Sunday morning didn't happen. MR decided he was hungry at 2pm so we dragged ourselves out of bed for eggs on toast. We spent most of the afternoon on our computers, him playing WOW, myself reading blogs and playing card games like Uno and Canasta and thinking of ways I can make money from home, without spending any because we're broke. I didn't get far on that... yet...

Around 6pm we have a visitor, which was amazing because no one ever visits us. He didn't stay long, something to do with having to leave to find food, but apparently we are boring now because we don't drink and smoke. Screw em, I say. There are more important things in like than drugs and alcohol. And more important things to spend our very little funds on.

So, I decided I wanted to be creative, which happens sometimes. We've gotten into the card games lately and they were thrown half-assed on a shelf, so I decided to liven it up a bit. I didn't take before photos, but there are after photos, which is what matters. Ignore the dust, I live underground and don't like dusting every five minutes to get rid of it...

Organization rocks. And yes, we have a lot of DVD's. We have more, but I haven't put them away yet... it's an obsession...

We went for a double walk today (2.59kms) and I took my camera along for the trek. I figured that I might as well get some photography in while I'm at it. Here's a few shots. You can check out some others on my photography blog.

Early to bed tonight, early swim tomorrow. Looking forward to it. I love swimming, and hate not being in a situation where I can swim whenever I want. Goodnight all!

I made cupcakes! Because I am awesome like that.

Ok, so maybe they aren't he healthiest option, but I'm determined not to eat them all in one sitting, and they aren't destroying my daily calorie levels, so yay! The reason I made them is because I spent an hour scrubbing the oven, the walls and the benchtops of the years worth of grease, dust and animal fur that was stuck to them so I felt like baking something horribly bad for me as a reward.

The mix is actually a vanilla cake mix, but I prefer my cakes in cupcake form, so that's how I made them.

Warm and smelling wonderful, straight from the oven.

On one of my Christmas presents from MR, my awesome huge cooling rack.

This is the only way I know how to test is something is cooked on the inside. I've tried poking with various objects for the clean test, but they ALWAYS come out clean, so I just rip apart and eat. Foolproof!

I decorated, because I'm a dork. I need to come up with new ways of decorating...

So I actually did go over my calories today, but that's because I'm currently drinking the largest glass of coke on the planet. This is because we have made a kind of rule not to throw anything out. If it can't be kept it must be consumed (either by us, the animals or given away). Seeing as we really have no friends, and the animals can't have coke, we decided as a treat for ourselves we'd drink the coke tonight, seeing as it's Saturday and we are bumming around at home. We also skipped our walk today but that was due to some legal crap we had to deal with. By the time MR got home and had filled me in on what was going on, I just wanted to eat and do nothing.

Dinner was supposed to be a crustless veggie quiche. But after the news this evening I decided that comfort food was better, so I made noodle pie. It's still healthy enough, it just lacks the veggies that the quiche would have had. Oh well.

If you are wondering why I don't post recipes with my food, it's because I don't use them. I guestimate and it turns out different every time, but it somehow always works. Weird, but oh well. Noodle pie is just a couple of bowls of Fantastic Noodles Chicken Flavour, about four eggs, ham, cheese, random herbs and spices (I used chicken seasoning, chives, onion powder, salt and pepper tonight) all thrown in a dish lined with pastry. I usually use frozen puff pastry sheets but I didn't have any so I used fillo. Which I'll probably do from now on as it's much lighter and not so buttery (which is yummy, but not good for my butter cravings).

Tomorrow is MR's only day off for the week so we are going to have a relaxing day doing not much of anything. Even though there are LOTS of things that need doing around the house, MR won't be doing any of them. He takes his days off seriously. Sunday's are WOW and EVE days. I'll throw food at him randomly and meet him in the bedroom at bed time. :P