We aren't going to starve, we have lots of food. But I love cooking and creating foods and that generally requires ingredients that I don't have. So this week I get to cook with what I have, and that's it. Obviously I bought food for the animals, they are the priority. And I got bread because I don't have the ingredients to make any, and it's cheaper to buy loaves and freeze them at this point. Then I had a nervous break down and drove around town aimlessly looking for Dad. I found him at the laundromat. He asked me what I was up to and I burst into tears. Right there in the laundromat.
Dad's brilliant idea... "how much money do you need?"
My reply... "I need a job, not cash." to which he just nodded. He can't get me a job. There are no jobs to be gotten, he can't make one mysteriously appear, even if he really really wants to. I love my Dad, and I know he only wants to help us out, but I don't want his money. I'd rather starve than take what little money Dad has. He's on a disability pension, his money is all he has, he can't earn more. He has no bills because he spent the last ten years with nothing to pay them off. I'm not taking his money, even when he tries to stuff it in my handbag.
So I straightened myself up and went back to MR's workplace to sort out a budget. A strict budget that we need to stick to at least until the bills are paid off, whether I'm working or not. It leaves us with NO play money, but we just don't earn enough to have play money. Which makes me sad, because I want new Wii and DS games, but power and water are more important. Wii's and Ds's don't run without power. :P
I had my appointment with my counselor today and we've come to the conclusion that my depression is no longer a main concern, but my over emotionalism and letting people walk all over me (not speaking up for myself) are my main issues. So I have to learn to be more assertive now. I even have homework!
Then I went food shopping and got a minimal amount of stuff (and it was still expensive!! But within budget. I hate my small town and it's insane prices!!) and hung around at MR's work for the next few hours because I couldn't be bothered driving home, dealing with gates and mud, just to come back again at 7pm. It turned out MR finished at 6pm anyway so it worked out well. MR's in a shit of a mood and refused to go on our walk today. I did a bunch of Wii exercises but it's just not the same. I love my walks. Tomorrow I am going for a swim, whether he comes with me or not!! I'm not going to stop this because MR would rather sit at home and play video games. I'm really enjoying my exercises, so I'll do it alone if I have to.
Anyhoo, because I was bored, and the animals were making random noises outside, I decided to grab the camera and take photos of random things. Check out my other blogs for more images...
This is the roof of my house. The tin roofing in the center of the image is my patio, my front doors through there. To the left is my car port. I love god-only-knows how many tonnes of rock above me at all times.
Rusty on her bin. Max can't reach her when she's on the bin.
Bins... and a chair. And Rusty.
This is what happens when we leave things out in the rain... they need to be transfered to the nearest dry place to dry out... that happened to be the roof of MR's car (it was originally in the tray, but the rain hits the tray).
Our yard. Yes it's full of junk. Yes, it's a car graveyard at the moment. The Brumpy is MR's, the Civic is MR's but it's going when we sell it, and the Commodore is my sisters, Dad's taking care of that one. We have another dead car at the garage... we are dead car magnets apparently.
That pile of wood is an old wardrobe which I ordered the boys to remove from my wardrobe, release some manly destructiveness and destroy with sledgehammers and axes, then pile up next to the drum for burning. They got two out of three. Now the wood is ending up all over the place because Max is slowly eating it all.
Ok, that's all from me for today. I may have some volunteer work in the works in a few weeks at the drive-in, so that'll be interesting. In a week or so a friend wants me to clean his house (he's a slob, it's going to be a nightmare) and he's willing to pay so that'll be helpful. Maybe I'll be able to get Max a bone. He's missed out on his bones lately. Ah well. Night all!
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