I have all of these things on Sparkpeople, but I wanted my own, deathly accurate list (hard to do on SP because of the country differences and limited functions of decimal places.
When I made this file I promised myself that I wouldn't lie, add or omit things, change the plan to make myself look better, or to give up on it. I needed to be accountable for my lack of motivation. Be accountable for the reason I am in this mess to begin with.
To be honest, I've hate every minute of it. If I miss a scheduled exercise I highlight the box in bright red and make a note as to why there is red that day. If I complete the task then it gets to be fluro green. If I miss a meal it gets a red makeover.
Basically, there's lots of red. Red everywhere, for two weeks. There's green splotches here and there, but it's mostly red. There's excuses in the notes section and there's this thought in the back of my head that says "so what if I'm fat?? So what if I smoke?? So what if I drink??" But I know I don't want any of those things. Not really.
Today a miracle happened, and I didn't notice it until I entered todays antics in the little excel boxes.
Every. Single. Box. Is Green.
I did all four of my workouts today, and I did them well. I ate three main meals and two snacks today, and fell within my calorie range for the day.
Yesterday was three weeks to the day that I quit junk food, cigarettes and alcohol. Admittedly, some junk food has creeped back in, but it all falls within my ranges, and always as a snack, not a meal and not a huge serving.
I had my last official appointment with my counsellor today. He said that my diet and exercise regime has done better for me than anything else could have possibly done. And the fact that I did it voluntarily, with no coaxing from anyone else means that I truly am alright. Sure, I'm going to come across things that bring back past memories, but I can handle them, and I will be ok.
I start my volunteer work at the drive-in tomorrow night. Just cooking hot dogs, hamburgers and donuts in the kitchen, but it's something. It'll get me out of the house, I'll be on my feet in a hot kitchen, and I'll get to meet new people.
My counsellor is going to hook me up with a woman that's set up self defence training in town, so that'll be something different I can do to work some more muscles. Over the next few weeks I'm going to need to step up my training a bit otherwise my body will get used to it. Adding pushups and situps is a new priority, definitely.
In other news, I'll say it again, this town is silly. The local pool (and ONLY place to swim in town that's bigger than a bath tub) closes for "winter." Winter here is everyone elses summer, but from April 28th until some time in October, we have no swimming pool. This annoys me to no end, as I have navy training to do, and that involves swimming. So I have two months to get myself up to speed, and fix my swimming. It cost $10 every time we go, and we can only afford to go three times a week, so it looks like I have a lot of work on my hands.
I can do it.
Yep.
0 comments:
Post a Comment